(Originally formatted and published on Livejournal on 4/1/11)
THE WORST ANIME SHOWS OF 2010, part 4
I just finished up tallying up my Top 20 Anime Shows of 2010, and now it’s time to take a look at the other end of the scale. Over the past several months, I have sampled EVERY SINGLE ANIME SHOW that was produced between December 22, 2009 and December 21, 2010, and was subtitled into English. I only excluded blatant pornography and hard-core yaoi shows; in total, it added up to over 150 television series, movies, specials, one-shots and OVAs. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll kiss your sanity goodbye!
First, a quick review of what has been covered before in part one:
(#20 – Star Driver; #19 – Hime-chen Otogi Chikku Idol Lilpri; #18 – SD Gundam Senshi Sangukoden Brave Battle Warriors; #17 – Yosuga no Sora; #16 – Da Capo D. C. I and II P.S.P.)
And also more brain-melting madness from part two:
(#15 – Asobi ni Iku Yo; #14 – Iron Man; #13 – Strike Witches 2; #12 -Ikkitousen Xtreme Xecutor; #11 – Super Street Fighter IV)
Followed by the mental lobotomy of part three:
(#10 – Motto To Love-ru; #9 – Planzet; #8 – Sengoku Basara 2; #7 – Super Robot Wars O.G.: The Inspector; #6 – Sora no Otoshimono Forte)
BAM! Time to kick it up another notch with the worst of the worst of the worst!
#5 – Seikon no Qwaser
Seikon no Qwaser a.k.a. “Qwaser of Stigmata” is a 24-part weekly television series aired during the winter and spring of 2010. If you’ve been waiting for an anime show that featured breast milk as an actual plot device, then your wishes have finally been answered! At St. Mihailov Academy, Mafuyu and Tomo have long been outcasts among the student body. One day they come across a mysterious silver-haired boy, who the nurse back to health. But this boy, Sasha, is much more than he seems – fighting evil with his strange superpowers that are fueled by fresh breast milk. And that’s about all you need to know, really.
The show is all about the boobies. Boobies, boobies, boobies. Oh, and more boobies. Which is not all that unusual in anime which has always has a serious breast fixation since the days dinosaurs roamed the earth. But what makes this show so laughable is that they try and wrap it all up in a serious, dark, brooding drama. As if anyone is watching Seikon no Qwaser for the plot. Nope, forget all about that, this show is really only for those who have a serious fetish for sucking on bazongas.
#4 – Shin Koihime Musou: Otome Tairan
Shin Koihime Musou: Otome Tairan is a twelve-part weekly television series that aired during the spring of 2010, the third in the Koihime Musou franchise. Based extremely loosely on the Chinese “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” tale (like half a dozen other anime shows, it seems), set in ancient China where nearly all of the legendary heroes of the past are reduced to cute anime girls. Oh, and instead of massive battles and political intrigue, the whole plot revolves around stooopid jokes and needless fanservice. Otome Tairan opens up with Kashin cursed with a disease that will turn her into a cat unless a cure is found. Cutesy anime girls set out to collect the ingredients from the far corners of the world. Hilarity ensues.
When I saw this early in 2010 (among the first of the shows I reviewed, and the first one that I awarded the “Wild Cardz Memorial Prize for Worst Show of the Season”), it just about melted my brain with its idiocy. Reducing a storied Chinese legend to such a lowly ecchi fanservice joke was just insulting (although later in the year I also saw the same Chinese legend reduced to super-deformed Gundams and also jiggly fighting high school students). I went back and re-read my original review from last April, and I really savaged it — much better than I could summarize here. So go read the old review if you really care.
Oh, and there was also some sort of original video animation I watched later in the year, where the characters (same ones? somehow related? I don’t really care, honestly) from a modern-day school go on a trip to a tropical island and fight a giant octopus. Or something. What’s really notable is that there were *dozens* of cutesy girl characters, I think I counted nearly sixty scrolling across the ending credits. Gotta collect them all!
P.P.P.S. There was also a “Live Revolution” special concert original video animation, where some of the characters get up on stage and sing songs to a concert of thousands of screaming fans…in anime form, of course. Makes about as much sense as anything else from this abomination of a franchise, I guess.
#3 – Tono to Issho
Tono to Issho was originally a half-hour original video animation from mid-2010, later in the year it was cut up and presented into a dozen short three-minute gag episodes. It’s not a story, but a series of short comedy skits presented in limited animation (e.g. flash), lampooning some of the greatest historical figures of Japan’s past, such as Date Masamune and Uesugi Kenshin. The jokes probably makes some semblance of sense to people familiar with Japanese history, but for me it was pretty incoherent. The go on and on and on about one guy’s obsession with his eyepatch, another guy is feminized into a girly-man, another warrior develops a serious man-crush on his opponent. Plus more eyepatch jokes. Doraemon, fear of marriage…and more eyepatch jokes. Possibly the most un-funny comedy I’ve seen in a long time, and they tried REALLY HARD at the jokes, too. I want that half hour of my life back.
#2 – Haiyoru! Nyaru-ani
Haiyoru! Nyaru-ani is a series of nine two-minute-long net shorts, where the darkest gods of Lovecraft’s Cthulhu stories are presented…as silly anime girls! The story centers around Nyarlko, a cute, silver-haired female version of Nyarlathotep, as she torments a normal teenage boy. Much like the previously trashed Tono to Issho, this is also just a series of quick jokes…or I think they are *supposed* to be jokes…or funny, or something, I dunno. It’s all done with really low-end flash animation (like Tono to Issho, only worse), too. The Japanese have an unusual penchant for turning everything possible into cute anthropomorphized characters, but taking some of the most terrifying, mind-searing horrific characters and making them all loli and moe and shit really takes the cake. An intriguing idea, and if they had managed to pull it off this show could have been EPIC. But they didn’t, which is why this half-assed abortion is such an epic FAILURE.
And to prove that some people can’t tell when they’re eating shit even when it’s pointed out to them, this eye-lemon has enough fans that a SECOND season, titled “Remember My Love(craft)” was greenlit and aired at the very end of the year. Four-minute episodes, with two minutes of unfunny, incomprehensible jokes presented in the lowest quality flash animation they could dredge up, followed by a two-minute standard animation closing credits sequence.
Hard to imagine there could be anything worse than this fetid pile of manure, but leave it to the Japanese to find a way. Presenting the very worst show in all of 2010, I offer up…
#1 – Isshoni Sleeping: Sleeping with Hinako
Isshoni Sleeping: Sleeping with Hinako is a semi-sequel to “Training with Hinako”. It’s a DVD special featuring a busy girl who sleeps. That’s it. She goes to sleep. She tosses and turns. Wakes up to sing a little song, raid the fridge, go back to sleep. No story, no plot, just watching her sleep in a bed, the end. The DVD chapters are arranged and looped in such as way that you could play the whole thing in an eight-hour cycle, repeating various sleeping cycles and positions, so you could sleep along with her overnight.
Overall, there’s maybe forty minutes of actual material, most of which I sped through at four-times-speed because you’re just sitting there watching someone sleep. Easily the MOST BORING ANIME SHOW EVARRR. Then again, I’m not exactly the target audience, which is that tiny sliver of fans who go crazy over Japanese female idols…only in anime form! In one sense, this show is a fucking brilliant piece of marketing, aimed at a very specific demographic who just lap it up, wish I had thought of something like this and was the first to capitalize on it. But considering it purely for its anime merits, as an anime show put up and compared against all the other anime shows of 2010 — yeah, it’s the worst of the worst.
But wait, there’s more! Coming up in 2011: Hinako returns in Isshoni: Bathing! You can experience the pointless awfulness all over again, only in aquatic form!
Coming up next:Hooray, I’m finally free of 2010! Now it’s time to move forward to the Winter 2011 season with a three-month-tardy preview of the first three months of the year in anime.